my fight to save/prolong my life news. Today is day 95. 908 days to go till my 50th birthday and target of 11 and half stone. 205lbs to lose -16.5lbs 188.5 to go. (averaging 1.2lbs a week. I need 1.4lbs every week to reach target)
Well I've not posted on here for a while. I've not been able to keep to SW 100% each week for the last 3 weeks though I have still been trying. I put on half a pound 3 weeks ago, then lost it, then put it back on on monday night. so this week, from now on I am going to try a little harder.
I'm losing sight of my goal but i can't. i need to carry on, my job is not done yet.
I got my son to join SW too, he weights in first before anyone else gets there so he isnt worried or embarrassed. he lost 2lbs his first week and lost half on monday night. all I have done is change a few things for him and made him a little more conscious of what he is eating, he is trying bless him. its costing me money cos each pound he loses i give him a quid, for each pound i put back on I give him a quid I shall be skint at this rate lol.
I had a full cooked breakfast this morning, bacon, beans, eggs, mushrooms and toms. yummy but it was too big and gave me food coma, I've only just woke up! must not do that again for a while! I'm bloody knackered!
In my news feed I see all my friends losing loads each week, I see all the certificates and its awesome but I need them too! I need it more! I have 13 more stone ish to lose! I need a life, I need a hubby. I need a shag! its been nearly 10 years since my last!. I need to stay alive for my son. I'm sick to death of being cooped up in this house on my own. all I have is my son and my sculpting. I dont have a life outside of this apart from going to Kirsty's for a walk which I miss but I have to work, need the cash! . can't remember that last time I went to a pub for a good old piss up, was more than 12 years ago for sure, when was the last time I sung Auld Lang Syne holding hands with strangers, drunkingly singing, laughing, more than 20 years ago for sure., yes i used to go to the Vine pub in Nantwich but I never got drunk, it was a good night but I always left early because marshall was with me, though I do miss it and miss seeing my mates, since I moved house twice since its hard to drive there now, over a hour away. I cant remember the last time I went to a nightclub, was more than 18 years ago for sure.
I feel I'm heading for a mid life crisis and if i had some fucking money I would be off like a shot looking for adventure. Route 66 sounds awesome right now, but I'm skint, I always am! its stifling me, life is crippling me, i see no way out of this hell hole house, though in fact its a lovely house in a lovely area, not sure if I'm talking about my house or my body and mind right now!
I just don't get why some folks have it all and some folks don't. life is just not fair is it. wonderful opportunities come some folks way often and they are fortunate to grab it, opportunity has never really been in my life, and when it does come by I can't grab it with both hands usually because lack of money or some other fucking thing keeping me down.
though I must add that it could be worse of course, I'm not in constant pain nor do i suffer from any illness (that I know of) and we do have a rented house to live in so I am very fortunate of that of course.
I'm also fortunate to have a lot of lovely facebook friends who I have never met that I ring, love you ladies a bit too much lol. but you are my social life and all I have got. so forgive me if i ring you too often!
anyway, I need a dump! so I'm going to snap myself out of this and go the loo, then come back down and do some photo's of my Dragons!
love jane xxx